


Working on the Past

by pandorabox82



Series: Christmas in Maine [11]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-07
Updated: 2013-06-07
Packaged: 2017-12-14 05:46:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/833439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandorabox82/pseuds/pandorabox82
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Labor Day weekend should mean a respite from work, and that was just what Erin and Dave had had in mind when they planned a getaway for the team at the cabin. But life has a way of changing things unexpectedly, and Erin finds herself having a heart to heart with Beth about how to work on their past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Mama, is there anything else that we need to pack?"

"I don't think so, MarJo." Erin came into the kitchen, wiping her hands on a dishtowel. "How are you feeling this morning? The baby isn't bothering you too much, is it?"

"No, the morning sickness has been tapering off for the last couple of days, just like you said it would." Martha rubbed her stomach gently, the small bump making her look so very young. "Are JJ and Will going to be at the picnic today?"

"Everyone on the team is going to be there. Even Emily."

"Ooh, I finally get to meet her?" Erin nodded. "Yes! Spencer talks so much about his overseas girlfriend I was beginning to think that she was a figment of his imagination."

"She had a job to do at Interpol, and now it's finished. She'll be back for good, now." Dave came up behind them and she leaned into his arm, letting him pull her close. "We need to get moving, ladies, if we're to get to the cabin before anyone else."

"Yes, mo chroi." She turned and kissed his cheek softly. Arm in arm, they went outside, Fiona following at her heels. Martha got in the back of the truck, patting the seat and helping the rapidly growing puppy up to join her. Erin took her seat next to Dave and he pulled out of the drive, making his way quickly up to the cabin.

JJ and Will were already there, much to Erin's surprise and she smiled and waved at them as Dave pulled into the garage. Getting out of the truck, she went up to JJ and touched her arm. "Hey, Erin. Henry was too excited to wait this morning, so he begged and bugged us until we came." Erin felt an insistent tugging on her shirt and she looked down at Henry.

"Hi, Aunt Erin! Did you bring Fiona?" She nodded. "Thank you!" He threw his arms around her, hugging her tightly before running over to Martha and the dog.

JJ and Will pulled out a basket and a carafe of iced tea. "Bring those around back. We have a few tables set up for everything." The other woman nodded and then threaded her arm through Martha's, letting her lead them around back.

Erin went up to her husband, kissing his lips softly. "We have amazing people in our lives, don't we?" He nodded and slung his arm around her waist, leading her to the backyard. Martha and JJ were in deep conversation, while Will and Henry were playing with Fiona. "I'm going to go talk with JJ and Martha. Will you greet our guests as they come?"

"Yes, my English rose." He kissed her cheek softly and she moved over to her daughter's side, clasping her hand.

"Did you tell Jennifer that we found out the sex of the baby at the last appointment?"

"I was just about to Mama. So, JJ, I hope you like having the idea of pink in your future. You're having a girl."

"We are?" Martha nodded and JJ hugged her tightly. "One of each, the perfect completion of our family. Do we need to pay for the appointment?"

"No, my insurance covers everything, didn't I tell you that?" JJ shook her head. "Well, it does. The only thing you have to worry about it getting the nursery ready for her arrival."

"Would you mind if I told the team about what's going on today? I'm really excited about this, even more so now. This is such a great gift, Martha, Erin. We cannot thank you enough." She began to cry and Erin opened her arms, surprised with the ease that JJ fell into the embrace, hugging her tightly. "I never thought…"

"I know, it's amazing to find out that no matter what I did to screw my children up, they still managed to turn out absolutely wonderful." She held out her other arm and Martha cuddled into her side.

"What's with the hug fest, guys?" Penelope asked as she joined them, resting her arm on Erin's shoulder. Erin looked up at her, smiling widely.

"Jennifer will be telling everyone once they get here."

"Okay, way to be mysterious, Erin." She kissed her cheek softly. "Martha, let's compare bumps." She rubbed her stomach as Martha giggled and bounced over to her side. "Your bump is so frakking adorable. Erin, did you look like this when you were pregnant?"

"Uh huh. It's a family trait, tiny bumps until the last six weeks. But you're just as adorable, Penny."

"Whatever, I look like I'm about to pop, and I still have two months to go with her inside me. Why couldn't I have been born in your family and had a cute bump?"

"Because I would have been about fifteen when I had you, which would have resulted in vastly different lives for us."

"You might have a point there, Erin." Penelope rubbed her stomach once more, wincing slightly. "Olivia is kicking up a storm today. She must know we're all getting together today. I'm going to pour a glass of tea. Do any of you want anything?"

Erin shook her head, then watched her friend move over to the refreshment table. While she was gone, the others arrived and Jack came running up to her, throwing his arms around her waist. "Aunt Erin! We're finally here! Daddy was talking to Beth and took a wrong turn, which made us later than he wanted to be." He gave her a sloppy kiss as she bent down to his height, returning the hug. "Do you think the water is warm enough to swim in? I brought my swimsuit just in case."

"I don't swim, honey, but I think the water would be plenty warm enough." Standing, she weaved a bit before righting herself. Martha took notice of her wobble and came over to her side, hugging her tightly.

"Is everything okay, Mama?" she asked, concern tingeing her voice.

"I think so. I just got a little dizzy there for a second." She kissed her daughter's cheek and went over to Dave, curling her arm around his waist and resting her head on his chest. Taking it as his hint to get everyone together, he cleared his throat and said a few words.

She found that her brain was still a little foggy and she put food on her plate in a rather haphazard manner before sitting heavily on the bench. "When was the last time you ate, Erin?" Penelope asked as she sat down next to her, covering her hand lightly.

"Last night? I wasn't really feeling all that hungry, so I didn't eat that much, either. Is that what this is?"

"Well, yeah. Your body doesn't like it when you forget to fuel it. Don't scare me like that again, honey."

She nodded as she dug into her food, eating hungrily. Dave brought them each a piece of pie as he sat down across from her. Once they had all eaten, JJ and Will stood, smiling widely at Martha. "Everyone, we have an announcement to make. Not many of you know this, but we've had some trouble having another baby. Martha has graciously agreed to let us adopt her baby once she arrives sometime in March."

Erin felt Penelope stiffen a little next to her and she reached out for her friend's hand. "We cannot wait to welcome this blessing into our lives," JJ said, tears making her eyes bright. "I never expected this generosity to come from someone so close to home."

Martha nodded and stood as well, hugging JJ tightly. The group broke up with the announcement and Erin stood, going down to the lakeside with Fiona. Henry and Jack followed at her heels and they sat next to her on the dock, peeling their shoes and socks off before letting their feet dangle in the water. "Are you excited to have a new sister, Henry?" she asked kindly.

"I suppose, Aunt Erin." He looked up at her, and she felt like she was staring into JJ's eyes. "But what if she doesn't like me?"

"That won't be a problem, you're a wonderful kid who is really easy to love. And you're going to be her big brother who will protect her from anyone that tries to pick on her. That's the job of big brothers, you know, to be the hero."

"Really?" Jack asked leaning against her.

"Uh huh, I wouldn't lie to you, I promise." She let her arm come to rest around his waist and he snuggled into her. "What's on your mind, honey?"

"Beth's going to have a baby, too. I overheard her and Daddy arguing about it the other night. She wants to take care of the problem, but Daddy wants to make things more official. Why would a baby be a problem?" Erin looked up at the picnic tables and could practically see the tension radiating off Beth and Hotch as they talked with the others. Catching Dave's eye, she motioned with her head for him to join them.

"Just give me one minute, okay, Jack, and I'll try to explain." He nodded gravely, so like his father, and she hugged him tightly to her. Dave joined them shortly and she smiled up at him. "Honey, I think Henry would like to go on a boat ride on the lake. Would you grab Will and take him out?"

"Sure, that will be fun. Come on, Henry, let's get your dad and find you two some lifejackets." He held out his hand and Henry clasped it, walking alongside him trustingly.

"Now, Aunt Erin?"

She nodded, hoping that Aaron wouldn't mind this discussion she and his son were about to have. Taking a deep breath, she turned to face him, drawing her knees up to her chest and resting her chin on top of them. "This is kind of a grown up conversation, Jack." He nodded. "Sometimes, babies come at a time that is not convenient for the parents. We adults like to plan for what happens in our lives, and then the plan goes awry, we can see that as a problem. And when it comes to babies, there is time to send the baby back to God if we truly think that bringing them into the world would be a problem."

"But what if we want the baby and she doesn't? It's not fair that she gets to decide for all of us."

"Oh, Jack, life is far from fair. You're not the one who has to carry the baby inside you for forty weeks, or has to go through labor. Those are really difficult things that a woman experiences and that's why she gets a little more say in the decision. And maybe your father doesn't know her medical history. There could be something that keeps her from carrying a baby to term, and she doesn't want to go through the pain of losing a desperately wanted baby."

She heard a soft cough and looked up into Beth's tear-stained face. "When did you..?"

"After Martha," she softly replied, patting the dock and hoping that Beth would choose to sit with them and talk. "Would you care to join us?"

The woman took a seat, still crying, and she reached her hand out to Erin. She clasped it tightly, knowing the woman needed comforting. "I didn't realize you had heard our conversation, Jack. I'm sorry if I upset you."

"That's okay, Beth. But why would a baby be a problem for you and Daddy?"

She took a shaky breath and squeezed Erin's hand tightly. "When I was younger, much younger, something bad happened to me and as a result I had to make a very tough decision. But something went wrong and I shouldn't have a baby now. I was trying to tell him that it would be a problem for me, no matter how much I wanted this to be happening, but he didn't want to hear that from me." Her tears began to make her words hard to understand and Jack leaned forward to hug her tightly.

"Jack, why don't you go play with Fiona for a little bit, so Beth and I can talk. Okay?" He nodded reluctantly and moved off, leaving the two of them alone. "I'm sure this was the last thing you wanted me to know about you."

"What am I going to do? The cat is out of the bag. I really was working on my past, trying to move on from the r-rape, and then I got pregnant. Would you believe two forms of birth control failed? This baby will kill me, that's what the doctors told me, any future children will threaten my life." She bit her lip and Erin slung her arm around the woman's waist, drawing her close. "But I want it, oh, how I want it. Aaron is perfect, he loves me, and I have a child in Jack. Why couldn't that be enough for him and for me? I think I would die to have this baby, to give him another child, but what would that do to him?"

She broke down into heart wrenching sobs, burying her face in Erin's shoulder. Erin rubbed her shoulder softly, letting her cry. She felt questioning eyes on her and looked up at Aaron. He was frowning and she shrugged, shooing him away with one hand. He nodded and went back over to Dave, continuing to glance their way every so often. "Do you want to stay at the cabin tonight? We have plenty of leftovers, and a comfortable guest room. Sometimes, it's easier to think when you're away from the one causing you heartache."

"You'd open your home up for me, just like that?"

"Yes."

"Maybe that would be nice. Just the two of us?" Erin pulled back to look into Beth's blue eyes. There was no malice there, only a deep trust that shocked her to the core. "I, I know you must think that I'm insane, doing such a complete about face, but you understand."

Erin nodded as Beth clung to her once more. "Just the two of us then. I'll have Dave and Martha ride home with the others." She helped the woman to her feet and they made their way up to the house. Penelope cocked her head, her eyebrows furrowed as she tried to figure out what was going on. Erin held her thumb and pinky up to her head and Penelope nodded, her face relaxing. She took Beth to the living room and had her sit on the sofa before going to the kitchen and pouring them both a glass of water.

"Mama, is everything okay?" She looked up at Martha and nodded.

"Everything is going to be fine, MarJo. I just need you to ride home with Jennifer or one of the others, honey. Beth and I have some business to take care of, and we'll be home tomorrow. Tell Dave to see me before he leaves, okay?"

"Yes, Mama." She hugged her quickly and then kissed her cheek. Erin went back to Beth and handed her one of the glasses before curling up on the other end of the sofa. As she drank the water, she began to feel a bone-deep weariness settle over her body and she set the water aside, her eyes closing heavily as sleep stole over her.


	2. Chapter 2

When Erin came to, she had a blanket wrapped around her. Sitting up, she pulled the blanket close around her and looked around. Beth was also curled up, a blanket covering her, still sound asleep. Stretching, she looked at the coffee table and found a sheet of paper underneath her water glass.

Picking it up, she quickly read _Dear Erin, We took off about three this afternoon. JJ and Will are giving me and Martha a ride home. The leftovers are in the fridge for whenever you and Beth wake up. Take care of her and whatever burden she's carrying. You have a beautiful soul, my precious English rose. I love you so very much and we'll talk later. Your mo chroi, Davie_

Smiling, she set aside the note and watched Beth sleep. Even covered, she could tell that the woman had her hand protectively covering her stomach and her heart broke a little. Sighing, she stood and picked her cellphone up, going out onto the porch. Quickly, she dialed Penelope, hoping she was making the right choice. "Penny?"

"Erin! How is everything? You're still alive, which is a good sign."

"Yes, well, I need you to do something for me, something that would get us both into trouble."

"Name it, my sweet Erin, and I will do it."

She laughed a little. "So, I need you to break HIPAA and hack into the medical records for Beth. You need to find out what her doctor told her about her condition and the truth about her ability to carry children."

"What?"

"Need I say that this is a highly sensitive task?"

"No, Erin. I'll try to get back to you as quickly as I can." They hung up and Erin went back inside, finding Beth just coming to wakefulness.

"We've been left to our own devices, Beth." She sat back down next to her, patting her knee gently. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Just listen, I suppose. How long were we napping?"

Erin looked at the clock above the fireplace. "About three hours. Are you feeling any better?" Beth shrugged a little, bringing her knees up to her chest. "Have you ever gotten a second opinion about your condition?"

"Why should I? The doctor made it quite clear back then that nothing would ever fix me."

"And there's been quite a few years to make medical advances. Perhaps something has changed and you could carry the baby to term, without harm to you." Beth shrugged once more. "You're still hurting."

"I was fourteen and stupid. My boyfriend was seventeen. I should have listened to my mom and not gone out with him, but what teenager listens to their parents? We broke up after that, but the damage was done. When I went in for the procedure, the doctor did something wrong and I ended up with the inability to carry children safely." More tears trickled down her cheeks and Erin held out her arm. Beth leaned into her, sighing deeply.

"Have you told Aaron about that?"

"I tried to. How is it I can be more open with you than with the man I'm in love with?" Beth curled her hand in the fabric of Erin's blouse, worrying it between her fingers. "I want to tell him, and then, the words won't come to my mouth. Something inside me stops them from coming out."

"I can understand that. It was hard telling David how I lost my baby, since it is not a story that I like repeating. I held it close to my heart for so long, and then, when I finally told him, it felt like a weight came off my shoulders."

"Would you mind…no, that's not my place. Forget I asked."

"No, you told me something deeply personal, I owe you the same courtesy." She took a deep breath and pulled back from Beth, looking away from her. "My first husband was a violent man. Dave asked me why I stayed, and I told him it was because of the children, they needed a stable home. They hated that I was a drunk, too, though, and so weak to stay. Anyway, I was pregnant with my fourth child, and he got angry at me for something, and began to wail on me with a pillowcase filled with oranges."

Beth gasped. "Oh, my god, Erin, I understand now. I would have drank, too, to escape that."

Erin smiled wryly as she blinked back tears. "There are no excuses, I know that now. I started losing the baby at work the next morning. And then, she was gone, there was nothing they could do, and they had to give me a complete hysterectomy. Such wonderful news to hear when you're mourning the loss of your baby and hoping that you could have another."

"No, it's not." She looked at Beth and reached out for her hand, clasping it tightly. "But now you have Dave and I have Aaron, and we're trying to rebuild our lives."

"There is that." They settled back and Erin drew her knees up to her chest tightly, letting go of Beth's hand. "I cannot imagine how my life would have turned out had I made just one different choice."

"Would you really give up who you are now for who you could have been?"

"Probably not, since I am in the perfect place right now. Even if there are jagged edges to my life, those jagged edges fit perfectly with Dave's and make us a whole." She sighed.

"You miss him, don't you?"

Erin nodded. "I swore I was never going to be one of those clingy women who can't live an hour without her man. But there's something in me that's cleaved to him so tightly."

"The same way I've clung to Aaron. I'm on tenterhooks every time he goes out in the field. I mean, I know he's trained for his job, just like I've trained for mine. But there's that momentary panic I experience every time he calls to tell me he's heading out."

Erin nodded. "Do you want to call them back? Just our significant others?"

The other woman smiled widely. "I would love that, actually."

Erin grinned as she pulled out her cellphone, quickly dialing home. Dave picked up on the first ring. "Everything all right, Erin?"

"Perfectly fine. Would you call Aaron and have him run you over? Beth and I want to spend a romantic evening with our beaus."

She listened to him chuckle lowly. "Couldn't bear to get rid of me, huh? We should be there in about forty minutes. Maybe I can get MarJo to watch Jack for him, too."

"Whatever you do, hurry. We miss you."

"Two shakes of a lamb's tail, sweetheart." She nodded and hung up, putting her phone away. Beth looked at her questioningly and she smiled.

"About forty minutes and they'll be here. Do you want to go down to the lake with me? It's the perfect waiting spot."

"Sure." Erin grabbed her blanket off the couch and walked over to the door, stepping out onto the porch. Beth trailed after her and they climbed down the steps to the lawn together. The sun was just starting to go down in the west and she spread her blanket out on the end of the dock. Sitting heavily, she crossed her legs and watched the birds flying. "How can you ever bear to leave this heaven?"

"It's our haven, something to look forward to. I love coming here when I need to be away from everything, so that makes it easier to leave, once my soul is recharged." She flopped back on the blanket, staring up at the sky. "The stars are so beautiful here, too. On a clear night, it looks like the sky is blanketed in them."

Her phone buzzed and she pulled it out, smiling at the text message from Penelope that told her some very welcome news had been anonymously forwarded to Beth's email account. "What was that?"

"Just some good news, Beth." She slipped the phone back in her pocket and sighed. "Is there anything in the world that would ever make you change your mind about checking to see if things had changed for you? Part of working on our past is taking stock of what's changed. For instance, I had to see that being a lone wolf in my job was no longer the preferred way of doing things. That had changed and so I had to change with it."

Beth sighed, laying back on the deck as well. "I would love it if I were proven wrong. I would love to keep this baby and have no problems doing so. I just don't know if my heart can take getting my hopes up and then hearing it was all for naught. It would destroy me."

Erin nodded and sighed, letting her eyes close. "What if I told you there was nothing to worry about? That this part of your past has been worked on and fixed?"

Beth's breath hitched a little as she drew it in and Erin turned on her side to look at her. Beth was staring at her, her eyes wide and hopeful. "What did you have Penelope do?"

"What anyone would do for a friend. She found out that there is a procedure that will let you carry to term safely. I don't know all the details, since medical terminology is not my forte, but there is cause for hope."

She watched Beth begin to cry, cradling her stomach gently. "When I first met Aaron, one of the things he told me was that his boss tried to portray herself as a bitch, but that she had a heart of gold. And then I let your drinking cloud my thoughts on you. I should have kept that heart of gold in mind. Thank you."

"You're welcome." Erin reached out her hand to the other woman and she clasped it tightly. "Now there's no hurdle to your happiness with Aaron. Davie has said that I'm a closet romantic, and he's right. I just want everyone to be happy, especially after everything Aaron has been through in his life."

They fell silent and Erin turned back onto her back. The sky was darkening, but the heat refused to go away. She loved the heat, though, and would be sad to see the summer fade into fall. "Erin! Beth! Are you out there?" She sat up and looked towards the deck. Dave and Aaron were standing there and she waved to them eagerly. Dave's smile widened as he saw them, and he came ambling down to the water.

Erin stood, picking up her blanket, and jogged over to him, throwing her arms around him as she kissed his lips. "You're here," she murmured. "I have officially become one of those women, mo chroi. I couldn't stand knowing you were home and I wasn't with you."

He kissed her again and then nuzzled his nose in her hair. "I don't care if you are one of those women, my love. That just means you are mine." They turned to see Beth and Aaron, locked in a tender embrace, murmuring to each other. "Okay, kiddos, let's head inside and eat supper before it gets cold. Aaron and I stopped and picked up a lasagna that smells heavenly."

They nodded and caught up to them on the deck, following them inside. The food really did smell delicious, and Erin covered her stomach hurriedly when it growled. "This is why I have to remember to eat. I embarrass myself otherwise." Her husband rubbed her back as he brought her into the kitchen.

"Yeah, and I don't want you to fade away. You got really thin there for a while." He kissed her temple and she sighed. On the kitchen table, everything was ready for them to eat and she sat down next to Dave. Aaron and Beth sat across from them and they dug in. Erin managed to eat the entire slab that Dave had put on her plate, relishing the delicious taste.

"We'll do the dishes, ladies, if you want to get our rooms set up for the night." Aaron squeezed Beth's hand before shooing her off. Erin went over to the door and waited for the other woman. Once Beth had joined her, they went upstairs and she showed her the guest room.

"You can borrow one of my nighties, if you want. They probably didn't think to bring anything to wear tonight." Beth nodded and followed her into the master bedroom. Erin rummaged through her drawers until she found a nightgown that would be good for the other woman. "Here, this should fit you."

Beth took the garment from her hands and then stepped forward to hug Erin tightly. Whirling around, she rushed from the room and Erin laughed a little as she took out a nightgown of her own. Taking it into the bathroom, she quickly showered and then pulled the nightie on over her head.

Climbing into bed, she curled up to wait for her husband, anxious to feel his arms around her once more. Her eyes closed as she slipped into her favorite fantasy of them. Her hand slipped down her body, slipping between her folds to tease her clit as she slid deeper into the fantasy. "Couldn't wait for me, beloved?"

Her eyes opened lazily as she shrugged. "More like priming the pump." He chuckled as he closed the door and then stalked over to her side. Sitting down, he bent over her body and kissed her deeply. "This is what I have to do when you're gone, mo chroi. My hand is no substitute for you."

"I love you." The sudden declaration surprised her and she looked up at him questioningly. "You delight me with surprises, Erin. After Carolyn, I never thought to find that kind of relationship again." He kissed her again. "We'll have to be quiet, if we make love tonight. Our walls aren't exactly soundproof."

"I'd forgotten about that. Kiss me quick, then, mo chroi." He nodded and stripped off his clothes, letting them lay where they fell. Spreading her legs, she welcomed him in her body, loving the fullness he created in her. They moved in fluid synchronicity and she felt her orgasm steal over her body. Pulling down his head, she kissed him, hard, to drown out the sound of her moan as she came.

Dave stayed inside her as he turned them on their sides. "God, Erin, I don't think I will ever get enough of you."

"And I don't think I will ever get enough of you, either." She kissed him once more. "So, we now have three pregnant women on our hands. Penelope, Martha, and Beth. This is going to be an interesting year coming up."

"That it is. Aaron told me a little of what Beth was thinking. Is she going to go through with the pregnancy?"

"Now that she knows she can, safely." She snuggled into her love, resting her head on his chest. "Ever since Christmas, I've been working on my past, trying to get over what I'd done, and I never stopped to think about the fact that we're all trying to get over what we've done. Help me to keep that in mind, all right?"

"Yes, Erin." He dropped a kiss on the top of her head before wrapping his arms around her, drawing her close to him. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and let sleep come, knowing she would be safe in his arms.


End file.
